AKU, YANG TERKALAHKAN

Untuk rembulan: rasa itu telah tenggelam, di ufuk barat langit jiwaku, seiring diriku yang menghilang dari kenanganmu. (el-moesafeer)

Sekarang, pada sebuah senja.

Aku terdiam dan tetap berdiri di atas pasir basah yang lembut. Dan di hadapanku, terbentang luas samudera yang ombaknya saling berkejaran mengantar mentari senja tenggelam di balik peraduan cakrawala. Pelahan, mentari pun menghilang, hanya menyisakan larik-larik keemasan yang memantul pada mega-mega. Aku menarik nafas dalam-dalam dan menghembuskannya pelahan. Ada sesak yang menghimpit dada.

"Pergilah," bisikku lirih, kepada mentari yang baru saja purna. "Engkau telah mengalahkanku," lanjutku, kepada mentari yang baru saja hilang dari pandangan.

Aku duduk di atas pasir yang lembut, tak kuperdulikan lagi ombak-ombak yang kini saling berkejaran ke arahku. Malam mulai menjelang. Ah, bagiku malam dan siang tiada beda. Sama-sama tak berarti bagiku. Meski ada mentari saat siang dan ada rembulan kala malam. Mentari, ia telah mengalahkanku. Dan rembulan, ia tak mungkin lagi aku miliki. Karena rembulan telah memilih mentari.

Dahulu, pada sebuah pagi.

Aku terjaga dari mimpi, sebuah mimpi yang terasa-rasa tak mungkin untuk terwujud, namun aku menikmatinya. Kemarin, angin sepoi yang berhembus telah membisikkan ke telingaku, bahwa hari ini rembulan tengah berulang tahun. Ah, ulang tahun. Aku telah berencana untuk memberikan kenang-kenangan untuknya. Dan hari ini, adalah hari yang aku tunggu-tunggu. Hari ini, tepat pada hari ulang tahunnya, aku akan memberikan kenang-kenangan itu kepadanya.

Aku berjalan pelahan ke tempat rembulan. Dari angin sepoi yang berhembus pula, aku tahu di mana rembulan berada. Namun langkahku terhenti, saat mataku melihat mentari tengah ada di sisi rembulan. Ah, aku terlambat, batinku resah. Mentari nampak bersinar dengan terang, sebagian cahayanya memantul pada rembulan. Ia menghadiahkan sepotong pelangi kepada rembulan. Juga beberapa keping gemintang dan sepotong senja. Ah, sangat istimewa. Sedangkan aku? Aku tersenyum pahit saat menyadari hadiah yang akan aku berikan. Hanya sekuntum awan. Ya, hanya itu. Aku pernah berharap, awan itu akan menjadi hadiah teristimewa bagi rembulan. Namun kini aku sadar, sekuntum awan tak berarti sama sekali dibandingkan hadiah-hadiah dari mentari. Ah, bahkan, sekuntum awan itu akan lenyap saat angin sepoi berhembus, menyisakan tangkainya yang layu.

Aku terdiam dan memandang rembulan yang tengah berseri-seri menerima segala pemberian dari mentari. Alangkah senangnya, gumamku. Aku masih terdiam dan tiba-tiba ada rasa kehilangan yang menyelinap dalam dada. Tak lama, kekalahan berdiri di hadapanku. Tidak hanya kekahalan, tapi juga kehinaan. Kemudian mereka menari mengelilingiku. Kekalahan dan kehinaan terus menari, bahkan mereka juga membujukku untuk ikut menari. Namun, aku menolak. Akhirnya, aku pun melangkah menjauhi mereka - rembulan dan mentari. Sementara kekalahan dan kehinaan terus saja menari mengikuti jejak-jejak langkahku. Pelahan, aku pun mulai ikut menari bersama mereka. Ya, aku menari bersama kekalahan dan kehinaan. Menari dan terus menari. Hingga tak lagi kusadari arti sebuah kehilangan, tak lagi kurasakan arti penyesalan. Yang ada hanyalah kekalahan dan kehinaan. Menari dan terus menari.

Tak berapa lama, mimpi - yang biasa datang saat aku terlena - menyadarkanku. Aku merangkul kekalahan dan kehinaan, dan kuajak serta untuk ikut bersamaku. Lalu, kami bertiga kembali menari hingga kami terlena dan mimpi menyelimuti kami. Aku bahkan tak lagi mengerti, mana diriku yang sesungguhnya. Karena kekalahan dan kehinaan, begitu juga mimpi, nyaris sama denganku. Aku adalah kekalahan. Kehinaan adalah aku. Dan mimpi menjelma menjadi keduanya.

Ah, kekalahan.
Ah, kehinaan.
Ah, mimpi.
Mari menari dan terus menari.

Purwokerto, 28 Maret 2008

RENCANA YANG GAGAL

Dari kemarin, tepatnya sekitar beberapa hari yang lalu, saya telah berencana untuk pulang ke rumah. Entah kenapa, saya ingin pulang. Padahal biasanya saya malas untuk pulang. Mungkin lidah saya sudah mulai tidak cocok dengan masakan-masakan yang saya makan di tempat rantau. Dan sekarang lidah saya membujuk saya untuk pulang ke rumah. Sekedar merasakan makanan bikinan rumah.

Akhirnya, sayapun memilih-milih hari yang baik untuk pulang. Paling tidak, semalam saya ingin di rumah. Setelah memilih-milih, akhirnya saya pun menentukan hari untuk pulang. Namun sayang, entah kenapa sesuatu yang direncanakan selalu sering gagal. Begitu juga dengan rencana kepulangan saya, yang meski tidak saya rencanakan secara matang, akhirnya gagal juga.

Sekarang, saya kembali harus berhadapan dengan layar komputer dan menjelma menjadi hantu di dunia maya - tanpa wujud, tanpa suara. Hanya sebuah nama yang bergentayangan menyusuri gelapnya dunia maya ini. Ditemani beberapa batang rokok - yang saya sendiri sebenarnya telah berusaha untuk menghindarinya, namun entah kenapa saya selalu membutuhkannya - dan beberapa rencana untuk browsing atau sekedar main game. Dan lagi-lagi, rencana saya itu gagal. Setelah saya di depan komputer, menyalakan sebatang rokok, sementara senja baru saja tenggelam di cakrawala barat, saya lebih tertarik membuka beberapa dokumen saya. Hanya melihat-lihat memang. Nyaris tidak sesuai dengan tujuan awal saya. Bahkan, akhirnya saya - yang terus terang tidak ada rencana mem-posting di blog - membuka blog dan membuat posting baru.

Mungkin, setelah mem-posting tulisan ini, saya akan kembali pada tujuan semula saya berinternet. Mungkin sebentar lagi saya akan menyalakan messenger, menyapa hantu-hantu dunia maya yang lain, sekedar browsing, dan diakhiri dengan bermain game - yang entah kapan berakhirnya. Dan rencana kepulangan saya menjadi sedikit tertunda. Bahkan, saya juga menunda untuk membuat rencana kepulangan. Saat ini saya cuma ingin menghabiskan waktu malam saya, di depan komputer, mencoba menulisi dinding-dinding dunia maya dengan coretan-coretan yang mungkin saya sendiri tidak begitu paham. Malam akan saya tumpahkan di monitor komputer saya. Meski saya ragu, apakah rencana saya ini akan berjalan?


Purwokerto, 28 Maret 2008
mencoba memindah malam ke dalam riuh dunia maya

DI SUATU PAGI

Waktu menunjukkan pukul 3:45 dini hari. Saya kebetulan tengah sendiri, meski ada beberapa orang user yang sedang bermain internet. Saat itu, tiba-tiba saja datang seorang lelaki separuh baya. Pakaiannya sedikit kotor dipadu dengan celana sebatas lutut yang juga ada bercak-bercak kotorannya. Ia memakai topi yang terbuat dari benang wol, mungkin untuk menghangatkan kepalanya. Kebetulan bulan ini adalah bulan yang dingin.

Kemudian, ia bertanya apakah ada minuman ringan? Dan saya menjawabnya ada. Lalu, lelaki tersebut mengambil sebotol minuman ringan dan duduk di belakang saya sambil menikmati minuman tersebut sambil menyalakan sebatang rokok.

Entah kenapa, semenjak kedatangan lelaki paruh baya tersebut, saya merasa sedikit curiga. Tidak salah - menurut saya - kalau saya berjaga-jaga. Meski daerah tempat saya termasuk cukup aman, namun apa salahnya sedikit waspada. Saya memperhatikan lelaki tersebut melalui layar monitor yang kebetulan menghadap ke arahnya. Saya sedikit mengamati gerak geriknya. Saya juga tidak mengajaknya mengobrol ataupun sekedar bertanya sesuatu kepadanya. Entahlah, saat itu saya benar-benar sedang dalam kondisi negative thinking. Bahkan sempat terlintas dalam benak saya, bahwa lelaki separuh baya tersebut berniat jahat terhadap saya.

Beberapa menit kemudian, lelaki tersebut menanyakan waktu saat itu. Saya menjawabnya dengan jawaban yang pendek. Kemudian lelaki tersebut menghabiskan minumannya dan bertanya berapa harganya. Saya menjawabnya. Kemudian saya berpaling ke arah lelaki tersebut untuk menerima uang yang disodorkannya. Saya sedikit terkejut saat melihat matanya. Salah satu matanya juling. Jujur saja saya paling tidak tega melihat orang yang memiliki kekurangan. Saya juga bisa melihat gurat-gurat kelelahan yang ada di wajahnya. Dan entah kenapa, tiba-tiba saya merasa sangat bersalah. Tangan saya sempat bergetar saat menerima uang dari lelaki tersebut.

Setelah membayar dan menerima kembaliannya, lelaki tersebut segera keluar dan pergi. Saya yang masih diliputi rasa bersalah, kemudian keluar dan melihat lelaki tersebut pergi sambil mendorong sepeda dengan keranjang di bagian belakangnya. Saya tertegun. Lelaki itu mungkin dari pasar, dan dia kehausan di jalan, begitu batin saya. Ia ke tempat saya dan membeli minuman, bukan merampoknya. Saya benar-benar merasa sangat bersalah karena telah menduga yang tidak baik, meski hanya dalam hati. Ingin rasanya saya meminta maaf, namun lelaki tersebut telah hilang di kegelapan pagi yang dingin.

Purwokerto,
4 Maret 2008
4:18

BAYANG-BAYANG MASA LALU

Saya terkejut saat tiba-tiba saja terdengar sebuah teriakan yang sangat keras. Saat itu saya langsung terbangun dari tidur saya. Jantung saya berdegup dengan kencang, keringat dingin berleleran di tubuh saya. Bukan karena teriakan tersebut yang menyebabkan saya terkejut. Bukan pula karena teriakan tersebut terdengar saat tengah malam. Namun, saya lebih terkejut karena sayalah yang berteriak.

Saya seger menuju jendela, menyibakkan gordennya dan menatap keluar. Sepertinya tidak ada yang merasa terganggu dengan teriakan saya. Gerimis sedari sore dan angin yang dingin, mungkin telah memaksa orang-orang untuk tidak keluar rumah dan lebih memilih berdiam di dalam rumah. Saya bisa melihat jalanan yang lengang dan hanya lampu-lampu beranda rumah tetangga yang masih menyala. Saya sedikit yakin dan lega karena tidak ada orang yang terganggu dengan teriakan saya barusan.

Saya kembali ke tempat tidur. Tidak tidur memang, seperti saat saya berteriak, sebenarnya saya juga tidak sedang tidur. Entah apa yang saya lamunkan, tiba-tiba saja ada dorongan untuk berteriak, dan saya pun berteriak. Saya kembali termenung di atas tempat tidur, menatap lekat-lekat langit-langit kamar, menggambar bayang-bayang masa silam. Tiba-tiba saja beberapa gambar masa silam yang saya gambar di langit-langit kamar itu berjatuhan menimpa tubuh saya, meski saya sudah berusaha untuk menghindar. Saya meringis menahan perih. Bayang-bayang masa lalu itu begitu beratnya menimpa tubuh saya.

Tanpa saya sadari, bayang-bayang masa lalu itu kemudian bergerak dan mulai mendekati saya. Sambil menahan sakit, saya berusaha untuk menjauh dari mereka. Namun, rasa sakit saya membuat gerakan saya semakin lemah. Akhirnya, bayang-bayang masa lalu itu berhasil merengkuh tubuh saya dan memeluk saya erat-erat. Saya mencoba berontak, berusaha melepaskan diri. Namun usaha saya sia-sia. Mereka terlalu kuat mencengkeram saya. Nafas saya terengah-engah dan tenaga saya semakin melemah. Akhirnya, saya pun tak berdaya dalam pelukan bayang-bayang masa lalu saya. Dan saya pun menghabiskan malam itu bersama dengan bayang-bayang masa lalu saya.

Saya sempat menyesal kenapa saya menggambar bayang-bayang masa lalu saya. Seharusnya saya tidak usah menggambarkannya tadi. Namun semua sudah terlanjur. Bayang-bayang itu kini bercerita tentang kisah-kisah saya di masa itu. Mereka berbicara, kadang dengan berteriak, kadang dengan berbisik, kadang hanya komat-kamit di telinga saya. Menjadikan telinga saya terasa gatal dan panas. Saya mencoba memejamkan mata dan berharap semuanya akan segera berakhir. Namun, saat saya membuka mata, bayang-bayang masa lalu itu masih ada. Dan telinga saya semakin terasa sakit. Akhirnya, saya pun berteriak, dengan sadar.

Saya segera bangkit dan berlari menuju jendela. Sementara bayang-bayang masa lalu menghilang entah kemana. Saya berdiri di depan jendela dan mengintip keluar. Saya benar-benar khawatir dan takut, kalau-kalau tetangga-tetangga saya mendengar teriakan saya dan merasa terganggu. Namun, kekhawatiran saya rupanya tak terbukti. Jalanan masih lengang dan rumah-rumah di sekeliling tempat saya seperti tidak merasa terusik. Hanya gerimis yang pelahan mulai menderas.

Saya masih berdiri di depan jendela dan memandang ke arah tempat tidur saya, lalu ke langit-langit kamar. Saya masih merasa enggan untuk kembali berbaring. Khawatir bayang-bayang masa lalu saya kembali datang. Saya hanya berdiri saja, meski mata saya mulai merasa mengantuk. Saya terpejam, sejenak. Sedetik kemudian, saya kembali terkejut, karena bayang-bayang masa lalu yang lain menjelma di depan saya. Rupanya ia hadir saat saya tanpa sengaja terpejam. Seperti masa lalu saya yang terdahulu, ia pun segera mendekati saya dan memeluk saya erat-erat. Saya pun berontak dan meronta-ronta. Ia mulai bercerita tentang kenangan masa lalu dan membuat saya semakin meronta. Akhirnya, saya kembali berteriak. Keras dan keras. Namun, tidak seperti bayangan masa lalu saya yang pertama. Bayangan masa lalu saya ini tetap tidak mau menghilang meski saya sudah berteriak dengan sangat keras. Ia masih berdiri di hadapan saya dan pelahan mulai mendekati saya dan hendak merengkuh tubuh saya.

Entah kenapa, saya merasa sangat takut. Saya memutuskan untuk keluar dari rumah. Namun, bayangan masa lalu saya itu terus mengikuti. Akhirnya saya berlari sambil berteriak-teriak mengusir masa lalu saya. Beberapa lampu di rumah tetangga mulai menyala, namun saya tidak perduli. Saya terus berlari menerobos hujan yang pelahan kian deras. Berlari dan terus berlari, mencoba menjauh dari bayang-bayang masa lalu saya.

Purwokerto,

04 Maret 2008

MALAM MINGGU

Malam ini adalah malam minggu, dan gerimis turun pelahan. Seperti malam-malam sebelumnya, gerimis selalu mengawali pergantian senja menuju malam. Kadang gerimis, tak jarang hanya hujan yang deras. Bulan Maret, bulan yang seharusnya telah basah dan dingin, malah menjadi sebuah permulaan untuk suatu musim yaitu musim penghujan.

Saya agak malas sebenarnya untuk keluar dalam keadaan gerimis seperti itu. Takut sakit. Karena hujan kali ini adalah hujan permulaan. Kata orang, hujan seperti ini gampang sekali menyebabkan sakit. Ditambah lagi kondisi saya yang lagi tidak karuan beberapa hari belakangan ini. Mungkin, pergantian cuaca tidak cocok di tubuh saya. Namun, dengan sedikit terpaksa, saya keluar juga. Pergi ke warung. Tujuan saya pasti, membeli rokok. Mulut ini terasa tidak bisa ditawar-tawar lagi apabila tengah kepingin merokok. Bahkan, saya bisa menaklukkan perut saya untuk tidak makan, tapi saya selalu kalah dengan mulut saya ini yang sedang kepengin merokok.

Saya sempat menimbang-nimbang, apakah saya akan keluar atau nitip sama teman saja. Namun sayangnya, tidak ada seorangpun yang berniat keluar. Akhirnya, dengan sedikit terpaksa, saya keluar juga. Saya berjalan menyusuri gerimis di sepanjang jalan yang basah. Saya menutupi kepala saya dengan tangan kanan, khawatir terlalu banyak siraman gerimis yang membasahi kepala saya. Dengan sedikit berjalan cepat, akhirnya saya sampai di warung tujuan saya.

"Rokok, pak. Satu bungkus," kata saya kepada pemilik warung.

Sial! batin saya. Kenapa jadi satu bungkus? Padahal dari rumah, saya hanya berniat untuk membeli rokok separuh bungkus saja. Tapi entah kenapa, saya hanya diam meskipun saya menyadari bahwa saya telah melakukan sebuah kesalahan. Bahkan saya tidak sempat berpikir dua kali, apakah uang yang saya bawa akan cukup untuk membayar rokok sebungkus. Sepertinya saya juga tidak berpikir apakah saya masih punya uang untuk membeli keperluan yang lain besok hari. Saya benar-benar seperti terhipnotis. Saya tidak bisa mempertimbangkan keadaan. Saya hanya diam, bahkan ketika si pemilik warung menyodorkan satu bungkus rokok pesanan saya. Sialnya lagi, tanpa sengaja, mata saya melihat jajanan yang terpajang di etalase warung. Dan mata saya terpana pada bungkusan besar berisi keripik singkong berwarna merah dan pedas rasanya, yang merupakan jajanan favorit saya. Tiba-tiba saja, saya sudah memesannya. Dan sekali lagi, saya hanya diam, bahkan seperti tidak mencoba untuk menimbang lagi. Saya hanya berpikir pada saat ini gerimis tengah turun, sebentar lagi mungkin akan turun hujan deras dan hawanya pasti dingin. Akan sangat mengasyikkan apabila saya duduk di depan televisi atau komputer sambil sesekali menghirup rokok dan memakan jajanan kesukaan saya itu. Hmm... betapa nikmatnya hidup ini.

Akhirnya, saya pun pulang. Seperti saat saya datang ke warung, pada saat pulang, saya juga harus melewati gerimis yang pelahan rupanya telah mulai menderas. Saya berlari-lari kecil, ingin segera sampai di rumah. Seingat saya, di rumah masih ada teh celup. Dan saya bisa menghabiskan malam ini dengan sajian teh celup, rokok dan jajanan favorit saya. Saya menelan ludah membayangkan semuanya. Meski di satu sisi hati saya yang lain, saya merasa menyesal. Sesore ini saya telah menghabiskan uang lumayan banyak. Tapi, sekali lagi, saya seperti tidak perduli.

Sesampainya di rumah, saya segera pergi ke kamar mandi. Membasuh rambut dengan air sumur. Kata orang, itu untuk mencegah supaya saya tidak sakit setelah kehujanan tadi. Setelah itu, dengan bergegas saya membuat teh celup panas, lalu mulai berpikir, apakah saya akan menonton televisi atau bermain komputer? Menonton televisi di malam minggu? Biasanya tidak banyak acara yang bagus di televisi pada hari seperti ini. Atau bermain komputer? Saya bisa menghabiskan berjam-jam di depan komputer. Dari sekedar iseng main game, sampai mengedit blog ataupun chatting. Saya hanya berdiri sambil menimbang-nimbang mana yang akan saya ajak bermalam mingguan, televisi atau komputer? Mulut saya sudah terpasang sebatang rokok yang telah menyala, di tangan kanan saya memegang teh celup panas dan di tangan kiri saya ada jajanan keripik singkong kesukaan saya. Saya masih berdiri, dan gerimis telah mulai menderas disertai beberapa kali kerjapan kilat dan gelegar petir. Saya bingung. Tiba-tiba....

DUAAARRR!!!

Suara petir menggelegar menggema ke segenap penjuru, bersamaan dengan padamnya listrik. Saya sempat mendengar beberapa orang diluar dan di rumah sebelah yang berteriak kaget, terkejut karena suara petir dan karena listrik yang padam. Saya masih berdiri, namun saya sudah tidak menimbang-nimbang lagi. Karena saya tahu, kedua-duanya - televisi maupun komputer - tidak bisa saya nikmati malam ini. Akhirnya, saya menghabiskan teh celup panas, rokok dan keripik singkong sambil menunggu listrik menyala.


Purwokerto,
awal Maret yang basah, 2008

.....

Aku pulang, batinku.
Telah lama aku meninggalkan rumah ini. Sebuah rumah yang dulu aku bangun dengan bulir-bulir lelah, beratap angan-angan, berdinding khayalan, berjendela pintu impian. Ah... rumah ilusiku. Masihkah ia mengenalku, setelah sekian lama jeda di antara kita? Semoga.

Aku berdiri di depannya - sejenak - sekedar memastikan bahwa ini adalah rumah ilusiku, yang dulu pernah aku bangun. Tanpa pekarangan, tanpa halaman. Pelahan aku masuk ke dalamnya. Kotor dan berdebu. Ah... kamar itu masih sama. Sebuah kamar sempit tanpa jendela. Semua tak berubah, hanya sisa-sisa waktu yang mengelupas pada dinding-dindingnya. Lembaran-lembaran itu masih terserak di sana. Sebagian menggumpal bekas remasan tangan. Sebagian tersebar pada lantainya. Kosong. Hanya berisi abstraksi perpaduan debu dan waktu. Sebuah lukisan tanpa kata. Istirah sejenak sebelum membangun kembali kenangan-kenangan masa lalu.

Rupanya telah lama benar aku berkelana. Sekedar mencari apa yang ingin aku miliki. Lelah telah memaksaku kembali. Aku ingin diam sejenak, mungkin esok aku akan bercerita. Tentang kenangan-kenangan masa lalu, tentang sepenggal perjalanan hidup, tentang mimpi-mimpi masa depan dan tentang segalanya. Mungkin, kelak.

Purwokerto, 11 Februari 2008 (melepas lelah sejenak, sebelum kembali bercerita)

....

aku menjelma hujan
aku jatuh
aku luruh

Purwokerto, 11 Februari 2008 (mengantar senja menuju peraduan)

JIWA LETIHKU

Senja semakin condong ke barat, tinggalkan semburat garis warna-warni di sekujur langit. Ia mengantarku menuju pulang. Ditopangnya jiwaku yang mulai letih. Beban yang kurasakan semakin berat, bertahta di pundakku. Angin senja yang dingin menerbangkan serpihan-serpihan peristiwa, membuat pikirku tak bisa tetap, selalu berpindah dari satu peristiwa ke yang lainnya.

Dalam perjalanan pulangku, satu demi satu dari setiap peristiwa itu kubuang di pinggir jalan. Tidak semuanya, hanya sebagian. Peristiwa-peristiwa yang kiranya patut dikenang tak perlu kubuang. Dan sebaliknya, peristiwa-peristiwa yang rasanya menyakitkan, akan segera kubuang dan jauh kutinggalkan.

Sejenak kemudian, malam memisahkanku dari senja. Ia pasang tabir gelap di antara kami, yang tak bisa kutembus. Ia juga mengisi kedua mataku dengan kegelapannya. Hingga bila kulihat kedua mataku, tak kutemukan lagi cahaya, meski hanya seberkas. Tapi yang kudapati hanyalah kegelapan dan kebekuan yang kosong. Sebuah kekosongan yang tak bemakna.

Malam juga membungkam mulutku dengan keheningannya. Hingga meski aku berteriak, tak satupun teriakan yang bisa kudengar. Karena sekaligus ia juga menutup kedua telingaku dengan kebekuannya yang berhembus bersama angin dingin utusannya. Dan teriakan-teriakan itu menjadi teriakan-teriakan yang tanpa berarti.

Aku merebahkan jiwa letihku di atas mimpi lalu kuselimuti dengan sehelai khayalan. Aku mencoba memejamkan pikiranku. Tapi tak bisa. Hanya kebosanan dan kadang kekosongan yang melintas di hadapannya. Ya, karena nyaris seluruh peristiwa telah kubuang dalam perjalanan saat aku pulang. Dan jiwa letihku telah mengubah kebahagiaan menjadi sebuah kesengsaraan, kegembiraan menjadi ketakutan, dan harapan menjadi keputusasaan. Hingga peristiwa-peristiwa yang seharusnya patut dibayang berubah menjadi mimpi buruk yang mengerikan, yang aku sendiri tak ingin mengenangnya, apalagi mengharapkan menjadi nyata. Memaksaku harus membuangnya jauh-jauh dari pikirku.

Aku tak bisa terlena meski jiwa letihku menghendakinya. Aku bangun dan kurasakan beban yang bertahta di pundakku telah turun menggantung di dadaku. Berat dan menyesakkan. Pelahan aku menyingkapkan selimut khayalku dan duduk termenung, mencoba menatap kegelapan yang bersemayam di kedua mataku, mencoba mencari secercah cahaya yang mungkin bisa mengusir kegelapan di kedua mataku ini. Tapi yang kutemukan hanyalah secercah kekecewaan yang semakin membuat kedua mataku bertambah gelap.

Akupun mencoba berbisik, bergumam, berkata dan berseru. Penuh harap satu bisikan, satu gumamam, satu kata, atau satu seruan keluar dari mulutku. Tapi yang keluar hanyalah satu kekecewaan, yang semakin membungkam mulutku yang kelu, menjadikan telingaku semakin bisu.

Pelahan aku mempertemukan kedua telapak tanganku di depan wajahku di antara kedua mata gelapku. Lamat-lamat jiwa letihku berdoa lewat mulut bisuku, lidah keluku. Jiwa letihku hanya berharap, semoga malam ini bersahabat. Semoga ia sudi untuk menghamparkan lembaran-lembaran putih dari cahaya rembulan, serta sepucuk pena dari rasi gemintang dan semangkuk tinta dari pekatnya malam.

Di sana, di atas lembaran-lembaran putih dari cahaya rembulan itu, akan aku cipta suatu kisah tentang beban-beban yang kini menggantung di dadaku. Tentang senja yang mengantarku pulang, atau malam yang menjelaga dalam kedua mataku. Akan kurangkai berkata-kata kalimat dan bermakna-makna ibarat. Jika perlu, akan aku pindahkan segenap beban yang menggantung di dada ini ke atas lembaran putih dari cahaya rembulan itu. Akan aku tulis pula sebuah sejarah yang mungkin akan menjadi sebuah legenda. Hingga, tak perlu lagi aku bertutur, tentang kedua mataku yang terisi kegelapan malam, atau mulut bisuku yang dibungkam oleh keheningannya, atau telinga tuliku yang terhalang oleh kebekuannya. Dan aku juga tak perlu mendengar tanya-tanya yang akan diarahkan kepadaku. Sebuah tanya tentang aku yang sekarang kini.

Tapi sayang, malam kulihat sebagai seteru. Disembunyikannya rembulan di balik awan hitam. Dihembuskannya angin yang dingin meniup bintang dan membuat mereka padam. Kini, malam benar-benar gelap. Dalam kegelapan malam sekaligus kegelapan kedua mataku, keheningan mulutku sekaligus kebekuan telingaku, aku kembali membaringkan jiwa letihku di atas mimpi. Aku terkejut saat kurasakan mimpi telah membeku dan mengeras. Tidak seempuk dan senyaman sebelumnya. Dan aku kembali terperanjat, saat kutarik selimut khayalku, ia sobek di sana sini menjadikan angin malam yang dingin menyelinap dan mengelus kulitku, dingin dan beku.

Sambil kupendam kekecewaan di dalam batinku, aku melangkah menyusuri kegelapan. Tapi tak kutemukan satupun jalan. Malam telah menghapus jalan-jalan yang pernah kulalui. Bahkan aku pun tak mampu kembali ke tempat aku melangkah semula. Sedang keheningan dan kebekuan menusukku dari sudut-sudut kelengahanku. Akhirnya aku terpuruk pada sudut-sudut kesunyian. Aku benar-benar tak berdaya.

Dan kembali kutangkupkan kedua telapak tanganku di depan wajahku di antara kedua mata gelapku, dan jiwa letihku berdoa, berharap pagi segera datang. Ia akan merobek langit malam dengan fajarnya dan membakarnya dengan mentarinya. Mengganti kegelapan dengan cahayanya yang juga akan mengisi kedua mataku dengan sinar lembutnya. Membuang keheningan yang telah membungkam mulutku dengan keriuhannya, dan sekaligus akan menembus telingaku dengan kehangatannya.

Tapi untuk kesekian kalinya aku harus kecewa. Malam telah mencipta pula mendung-mendung yang hitam lagi gelap. Dan pagi membiarkan fajar bersembunyi di baliknya. Mentari yang aku harapkan segera menjelang, tak kunjung datang. Ia tak berdaya di balik kelambu awan yang legam. Aku menarik nafas dalam-dalam. Bukan lagi nafas yang aku hirup, tapi hawa kekecewaan yang masuk ke dalam dadaku. Hingga kurasakan dada ini semakin berat dan sesak. Dan beban-beban ini, yang dulu pernah bertahta di pundakku kemudian turun menggantung di dadaku, telah mengalir seiring darahku, terpompa dalam detak-detak jantungku.

Duhai, rupanya malam dan pagi telah mengikat janji, hendak mengurungku dalam kegelapan. Rupanya mereka telah sepakat untuk berkhianat. Dan membiarkan aku terpuruk dalam sakarat. Sedang beban-beban ini terus menghujami jiwaku, membuatnya berdarah. Mereka – beban-beban ini – bahkan tengah menggali liang lahad seukuran tubuhku. Dan mimpi-mimpi yang menakutkan siap mereka taburkan di atas pusaraku kelak. Mereka akan menimbunku dengan tubuh-tubuh mereka.

Masih dengan kekecewaan sepenuh rongga dada, kembali aku pertemukan kedua telapak tanganku di depan wajahku, di hadapan mata gelapku. Dan kembali pula mulut bisuku, lidah keluku berharap. Aku hanya meminta, semoga masa tak ikut berkhianat. Semoga ia segera menghapus malam dan pagi dari dirinya. Karena mereka adalah musuhku, mereka adalah telah mengkhianatiku.

Untuk terakhir kalinya aku harus kecewa. Karena masa tak seperti yang kupinta. Masih bisa kurasakan malam dan pagi yang silih berganti, berputar mengelilingiku. Meski kedua mataku terisi penuh dengan kegelapan, mulutku membisu oleh keheningan, telingaku tertutup kebekuan, dadaku sarat dengan beban, nafasku adalah kekecewaan, tapi jiwaku terbebas dari semua itu.

Untuk yang terakhir kalinya pula, kudekatkan kedua telapak tanganku yang terkatup ke wajahku, persis di antara kedua mata gelapku. Kali ini jiwaku yang berharap, meminta. Penuh yakin juga percaya, Tuhan masih bersamaku. Karena aku tahu, Ia bukanlah kegelapan. Ia juga bukan keheningan, pun bukan kebekuan. Ia bukanlah malam atau pagi yang telah mengikat janji sepakat berkhianat. Ia juga bukan masa, yang membiarkan malam dan pagi tetap silih berganti. Sesungguhnya aku juga benar-benar tahu, Ia bukanlah beban, yang bertahta di pundakku, menggantung di dadaku, mengalir dalam denyut jantungku, dan yang harus kubuang dari kehidupanku. Dan satu hal yang aku tahu pasti, bahwa aku bukanlah Ia. Sejenak kemudian, jiwa letihku diam.

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Tulisan ini pernah aku posting di blog friendster.

SELAMAT DATANG DI RUMAH ILUSIKU

Ini adalah rumah ilusiku. Beratap mimpi bertembok imaji. Ada jendela-jendela hati, juga ada pintu-pintu kalbu. Tempat aku sembunyi, karena aku telah lelah berlari. Di sini, di rumah ilusi ini, akan aku hamparkan lembaran-lembaran kalimat, berjuta-juta ibarat. Di sini, di dalam rumah ilusiku ini, aku bebas melakukan apa yang aku kehendaki. Bahkan, meski aku harus telanjang bulat, jangan pernah engkau menggugat. Karena ini adalah rumahku, rumah ilusiku. Dan ini adalah tubuhku, tubuh milikku sendiri.

Mari, mari singgah sejenak, walau hanya sekejap. Mari saling bertukar mimpi, menabur ilusi. Karena mentari tak pernah lelah memberi inspirasi. Dan hujan tak lagi melukis pelangi. Saat engkau singgah di sini, akan aku hidangkan sepotong pelangi, sekeranjang gemintang, sekerat mentari, sepiring rembulan purnama dan segelas rintik hujan. Kita akan habiskan semua, ya semuanya, lalu kita akan bersulang, bersama.

Disini, di rumah ilusi ini, engkau akan tahu siapa diriku. Inilah aku.

THE JOKE

Mother : "I've just looked in the mirror, and I was surprised to see that I've got seven gray hairs!"
Tina : "But why? You are still young, Mom. Young people are not supposed to have gray hairs."
Mother : "Yes, you are right. But my gray hairs were due to your bad attitude to me. If you had been a good girl to me, I would not have had any gray hairs!"
Tina : "Gosh, Mom, then you must have been very annoying to Grandma. Her hairs are all gray!"

SLEEP IMPROVES YOUR MEMORY

If you want to remember what you learn, take a short sleep for the night right after learning it - that's the conclusion of a university study.
In the study, 40 college students were randomly divided into groups. Everyone was asked to memorize a series of nonsense syllables and a short story. Then some of the students had a short sleep, while the others watched a two-hour movie.
Afterward, they were given questions on what they remembered . The students who had a sleep performed much better than those who didn't, the study found.
Researches found that it didn't matter whether students had a sleep in the morning or in the afternoon - they still remembered more than the students who stayed awake.
Experts believe that having a sleep right after learning something helps you remember it because you have no other facts to interfere with what you've just learned.
So, if you are trying to remember information for a test the next morning, it's best to retire for the night immediately after studying. Don't stay up - go straight to bed.
By having a sleep immediately after learning new material, you are more likely to retain that information.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE

There is nothing in life you can't achieve if you really want it, and this plan will pave the way to your goal - whether it is a better job, more money, a happy marriage, a world cruise, or simply being successful in life.
So here, for everybody who want to achieve his/her goal, is a special plan to make your dreams come true.
Get Started
The hardest part of reaching any goal is getting started, but once you have taken that vital first step, the odds are great that you will succeed.
For example, if your dream is to ownn your bussiness, start by designing your letterhead. If you have your heart set on a spesific job that pays more money, draft a letter telling about your abilities and experience and send it to all the companies that type of position.
Expect to Win
Many people laugh themselves towards their dreams only to have their hopes dashed prematurely because they begin to doubt that they will succed.
It is said that hope is the great power that can move you to success. So, when a man expects to win, he gives it all he's got.
Imagine Your Dream Coming True
The power of the human mind is limitless. Picture yourselves as the boss of your own company, or living in that fancy house in the country, and it will make your work harder toward achieving that goal.
Whatever you dream, you will never succeed until you turn your imagination loose and imagine your success.
Expect Problems
Don't be surprised when you run into difficulties. If you expect them, they won't panic you. Smart people never seize opportunities without asking what problems they might reasonably expect.
Just because you are trying to make a dream come true doesn't mean you should be a starry-eyed dreamer.
Believe in Yourself
First thing every morning, a friend of your might repeat out loud, "I believe... I believe... I believe." And he follows that with, "I can... I can... I can."
That kind of positive thinking works wonders. It flushes negativity out of the brain right at the start of the day. It's even a good idea to repeat this two or three times a day.
Be Patient
The road to almost every dream is dogged by periods when nothing seems to be moving forward. The danger is that we may be tempted to quit during this dreary times.
Very many successful people share the ability to be patient. You should never waver from your course just because things aren't moving ahead as planned.

JOKE

Two boys were on a bicycle-built-for-two. They had a very hard time going up a steep hill, but they finally got to the top.
"Whew," said the first boy.
"I didn't think we'd ever make it."
"Well, I helped," said the second boy. "I kept the brakes on so we wouldn't roll back down."

BODY LANGUAGE (THE MESSAGE BEHIND THE SMILE)

Anyone dealing with people from other cultures can expect difficulties if s/he is not aware of the non-verbal signs that others use to express their feelings, that 'silent language' that accompanies and augments the spoken language. In fact, what people do is often more revealing than what they say!
When an Australian greets someone, s/he normally looks the other in the eyes, smiles, and extends a strong, firm handshake. This is customary to show that s/he is honest, straight-forward, sincere and friendly, although businesslike. But in Zaire, a woman introduced to a man who then smiled at him would be considered to be behaving improperly.
Do you look someone straight in the eyes when you are talking to him or her? A Briton will tend to do that much more so than an American, who probably has been brought up to believe that it is impolite to gaze fixedly at someone. But it is not unusual for an Arab to stare at someone to show that he is paying attention. The way an American will look at an Arab only occasionally, even while speaking to him/her, will seem to the Arab to be showing inattentiveness and a lack of interest. In Korea, however, people think Americans always seem to fix others with their gaze in a most sinister way, while Koreans in the United States say that often they do not know what to do with their eyes. Brought up to always look away, they feel embarrassed when called upon to respond to the relatively steady looks of Americans.
In the United Kingdom, and really in all native English-speaking countries, it is important to look someone in the eyes when you want to show you are trustworthy and honest. Immigrants and foreign visitors to the United States can run into problems with this. In Puerto Rico for example, when you appear before a figure of authority, it is only proper to look away as a sign of respect. Yet an American might very well interpret this as an evasiveness and a sign of dishonesty!
Your face can change the meaning of a gesture made with your hands. The difference can make a world of difference in how a hand gesture is interpreted. Many gestures that might be interpreted as hostile if made while frowning can easily be changed into a sign of friendliness and "just fooling around" if made while smiling.
To a Frenchman or Englishman, making a zero with the thumb and forefinger indicates that everything is O.K. - if made while smiling. If made while frowning, it means that everything is probably O.K. but conveys some doubt and suspicion. Yet for a Japanese that same hand gesture means money!
For many Westerners, an easy relaxed posture is to stand with your hands on your hips, or with just front pants pockets. But an Indonesian attending an American university spent many miserable weeks because of this, as he thought this posture means aggression. And for him, it did, since in Javanese and Sundanese wayang mythology hostile figures who are quarrelling or going to fight will stand with their arms like that as an expression of anger, challenge or hostility, in some other cultures, this position indicates arrogance, that you think you're better than or superior to the person you're speaking to.
But there are no dictionaries of non-verbal language that you can consult when you arrive in a foreign country. A researcher named Ray Birdwhistell wrote that he had not found any single gesture that means the same thing in all countries. "A body can be bowed in grief, humility, aggression, or laughter. A smile in one country shows friendliness, in another embarrassment, and in still another may contain a warning that unless tension is reduced, hostility and attack will follow."
Imagine a group of foreigners arriving at Los Angeles International Airport. As they are getting off the plane, a friendly official beckons them over to the airport bus. Not only does he use his left hand (which in many countries is regarded as improper) but he probably waves them towards him with the palm of his hand upturned. Several of the newcomers think they are being regarded as children or animals because of this. There are plenty of empty seats on the bus, but several people sit down next to Americans when they could have had a seat by themselves. The Americans, who have always been taught to keep their distance, find this most uncomfortable and edge away with unpleasant expressions on their faces. The visitors start to wonder if maybe they forgot to brush their teeth or something. A Thai finds himself sitting next to a Dutchman who is wearing open sandals, and is sitting with his big toe pointing straight at the Thai. The Thai feels hurt by what he perceives as an insult.
The group of travellers now goes into the terminal and decides to ask for information about taxis and hotels at the information desk. They see a clerk sitting behind the desk with a line of people standing in silence in front of him. One of the group, a Colombian, thinks that they are not interested in talking to the clerk and so he walks straight up to the desk and asks the clerk for help. He then feels very hurt when several people in the line, and the clerk, ask him to go to the end of the line-up and wait his turn. In English speaking-countries, it is enough to stand before a desk or counter to make it known that you want something. Additionally it is considered quite rude to try to go ahead of others who are lined-up and waiting. But that is not the case in Colombia where people do not queue, and must ask for service if they want anyone to pay attention to them.
There happens to be a reception committee to meet our group and the committee members also come from different countries. The Indonesians smile to themselves when they see the members of a French family kissing each other. That is an act of love-making that should be done in private ... isn't it? Two Arabs surprise the rest by throwing their arms around each other in a warm embrace. A Polynesian visitor is greeted by a fellow-countryman who is now living in the U.S., and the newcomer gives him a friendly hug and starts rubbing his back.
A Chinese gentlemen is trying to avoid shaking hands with a German - the Chinese do not like to be touched. Meanwhile, a mother from Laos has just seen an Italian give her son a friendly pat on the head, and she is desperately trying to save her other children from the same 'terrible fate' - in Laos, the head is the home of the soul and must not be touched.
The countless meanings of time, a different consept in each culture cause endless confusion. An Australian or a German instinctively expects a meeting to start at the time that has been agreed upon. In Costa Rica, however, it is perfectly normal to have to wait 45 minutes to see an important official (or at least one who thinks he is important). A Canadian kept waiting for 45 minutes would feel insulted.
When someone from Spanish-speaking Latin America says 'manana' (pron. man-yan-na), someone from the United States would think he meant 'tomorrow', and most bilingual dictionaries would confirm that. But the Latino might mean tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week, next year, or not at all! Thus a more accurate cultural translation would be "not today".
The Germans and Swiss tend to be more time-conscious than Americans and they have no concept that is similar to the Indonesian 'rubber-time' (jam karet). But the Sioux Indians go even further. In their language there are no words for 'time', 'late' or 'waiting'.
If a business deal is being struck between a Canadian and someone from India, endless confusion may result when the Canadian asks the Indian if s/he agrees. The Indian responds by shaking his/her head from side to side - in India it means "yes", while in Canada it means "no".
From all of the above, it can be seen that what is polite and proper in one culture may or may not be in another and that one people's system of politeness is no more or less polite than another people's system - just different!
So, when you are talking to someone from a different cultural background, watch and think about the different ways in which you both use your hands. Also notice how close to each other you want to stand. Asians in general stand much closer than Westerners. How close one should stand varies from culture to culture and it is possible to make other people very uncomfortable by standing too close or too far away. Try to keep an open mind and not to have preconceived notions about what is polite or proper and what is not.
Above all try not to judge others by your culture's rules - those rules do not apply to those people outside your culture.

Source : Peter Burgess, Body Language The Message Behind The Smile, Hello Magazines, No. 22, September 1987.

THE POWER A CANDLE

As usual, that night Nasreddin and his friends were chatting at the old coffee shop. The snow was falling down out-side. In such a cold night, having sweet black coffee was a very good way to pass the time.
"It's a very cold night," said one of them.
"Yes, you're right. Maybe it's the coldest night in this year. I'm sure no one can stay outside till morning," said another.
Suddenly Nasreddin said, "I can stand in the snow all night long."
"I could do it if I stood beside a warm fireplace," said another man. Then they laughed.
"No, I'm serious," added Nasreddin. "I can stand in the snow all night long without any fire to warm me."
"You're kidding, Nasreddin. No one can do that!" said another one. "See outside!" he said, pointing to the falling snow outside.
Nasreddin stared at his old watch. It ws 02.00 a.m. Morning would break in about three and a half hours. "I can do it!" he shouted. "I'll do it now."
"All right, if you make it, I'll pay for all your meals tomorrow. But if you fail, you will have to give us all good breakfast," said Mehmet.
"Okay, I agree," answered Nasreddin.
When Nasreddin looked at his watch, it said two thirty. He smiled when he imagine that the next day Mehmet would pay for all his meals. Then he went out to the yard of the coffee shop, while his friends went home and slept on their warm beds.
It seemed that the minutes passed so slowly in the lonely night. Nasreddin did not imagine this before. Now he stood alone in the snow. Sometimes he was tempted to go home. But he remembered that if he went home, he would have to give his friends good breakfast, while he did not have much money. So he tried to cheer himself up in order to forget the very cold weather.
Besides the cold weather, the sleepiness was also a hard thing to defeat. To avoid being numb, he kept moving his cold feet. Then he looked around/ "Having a cup of coffee would be very nice," he thought. And when he looked at the coffee shop, he saw a flickering candle inside. He looked at it for a long time and he learnt that the coldness and the sleepiness could be forgotten by concentrating his mind on the flickering candle. So, he spent the rest of the night by watching the candle.
Early in the next morning his friends came. They were amazed to see that Nasreddin was still standing in the snow.
"Hi, Nasreddin. Did you really stand here all night long?" asked Mehmet.
"Or you went home when we were not here last night?" asked another.
Nasreddin smiled, "I'm an honest man. Why should I cheat you. Ask the owner of the coffee shop. He knew that I was here," said Nasreddin.
"Tell me, how could you stay here all night long, while the weather was so cold?" asked another friend.
"I admit that it was very hard for me. Besides the cold weather, the sleepiness was quite hard to fight," he answered. "But finally I learnt that by concentrating my mind on the candle in the coffee shop I was able to forget the coldness and the sleepiness."
His friends laughed. Mehmet said, "You lose the bet, Nasreddin. You must give us good breakfast!"
"No, I win. I was able to stay here all night long!" shouted Nasreddin.
"Yesterday we agreed that you wouldn't use any candle or fire to warm you. But you made use of candle to warm you. You lose the bet!" said Mehmet.
The other men laughed at him too.
"But, the candle was very far from here, don't you see? How could it affect me here?" argued Nasreddin.
His friends, however, wouldn't understand. They said that Nasreddin lost the bet and had to give them breakfast. They said that no matter how distant the candle was from the place he stood, he made use of it all the same.
Nasreddin gave up. He invited them to come to his house. When they arrived, Nasreddin asked them to sit in the living room. Then he went to the kitchen to cook the breakfast.
The four friends had been sitting and chatting for sometime in the living room, but Nasreddin did not appear. Mehmet went to the kitchen door. From there he saw Nasreddin sleeping in the kitchen. He said, "What are you doing, Nasreddin? It's been a very long time."
"Wait for a few minutes more, friends. Just be patient," answered Nasreddin sleepily.
Several minutes passed by. His friends not stand it anymore. They went into the kitchen. They said angrily, "Nasreddin, wake up! Where do you cook the meal?"
Nasreddin got up, still sleepily. "Over there," he said, pointing to the corner of the kitchen.
The men were very surprised to see what Nasreddin had there. There was a flickering half-burnt candle and a sauce pan hung a meter above it.
"You're crazy!" shouted Mehmet, while pointing to Nasreddin's face. "How can you cook some food with a candle a meter beneath it?"
"Just the same. How could a candle several meters away warm me last night?"

Taken from Nasreddin, a Man Who Never Gives Up, retold by Sugeng Hariyanto, Kanisius, 1998.

THE MYSTERIOUS RAINBOW (2)

What makes colors in the rainbow?
The traditional description of the rainbow is that it is made up of seven colors - red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. Actually, the rainbow is a whole continuum of colors from red to violet and even beyond the colors that the eye can see.
The colors of the rainbow arise from two basic facts:
* Sunlight is made up of the whole range of colors that the eye can detect. The range of sunlight colors, when combined, looks white to the eye. This property of sunlight was first demonstrated by Sir Isaac Newton in 1666.
* Light of different colors is refracted by different amounts when it passes from one medium (air, for example) into another (water or glass, for example).
Descartes and Willebord Snell had determined how a ray of light is bent, or refracted, as it traverses regions of different densities, such as air and water. When the light paths through a raindrop are traced for red and blue light, one finds that the angle of deviation is different for the two colors because blue light is bent or refracted more than is the red light. This implies that when we see a rainbow and its band of colors we are looking at light refracted and reflected from different raindrops, some viewed at an angle of 42 degrees; some, at an angle 40 degrees, and some in between.
What makes a double rainbow?
Sometimes we see two rainbows at once, what causes this? We have followed the path of a ray of sunlight as it enters and is reflected inside the raindrop. But not all of the energy of the ray escapes part of the ray is reflected again and travels along inside the drop to emerge from the drop. The rainbow we normally see is called the primary rainbow and is produced by one internal reflection; the secondary rainbow arises from two internal reflections and the rays exit the drop at an angle of 50 degrees rather than the 42 degrees for the red primary bow. It is possible for light to be reflected more than twice within a raindrop, and one can calculate where the higher order rainbows might be seen; but these are never seen in normal circumstances.
Why is the sky brighter inside a rainbow?
Notice the contrast between the sky inside the arc and outside it. When one studies the refraction of sunlight on a raindrop one finds that there are many rays emerging at angles smaller than the rainbow ray, but essentially no light from single internal reflections at angles greater than this ray. Thus there is a lot of light within the bow, and very little beyond it. Because this light is a mix of all the rainbow colors, it is white. In the case of the secondary rainbow, the rainbow ray is the smallest angle and there are many rays emerging at angles greater than this one. Therefore the two bows combine to define a dark region between them - called Alexander's Dark Band, in honor of Alexander of Aphrodisias who discussed it some 1800 years ago!
What are Supernumerary Arcs?
In some rainbows, faint arcs just inside and near the top of the primary bow can be seen. These are called supernumerary arcs and were explained by Thomas Young in 1804 as arising from the within the drop. Young's work had a profound influence on theories of the physical nature of light and his studies of the rainbow were a fundamental element of this. Young interpreted light in terms of it being a wave of some sort and that when two rays are scattered in the same direction within a raindrop, they may interfere with each other. Depending on how the rays mesh together, the interference can be constructive, in which case the rays produce a brightening, or destructive, in which case there is a reduction in brightness. This phenomenon is clearly described in Nussenzveig's article, "The Theory of the Rainbow", in which he writes: "At angles very close to the rainbow angle the two paths through the droplet differ only slightly, and so the two rays interfere constructively. When the difference equals half of the wave-length, the interference is completely destructive; at still greater angles the beams reinforce again. The result is a periodic variation in the intensity of the scattered light, a series of alternatively bright and dark band."
The "purity" of the colors of the rainbow depends on the size of the raindrops. Large drops (diameters of a few millimeters) give bright rainbows with well defined colors; small droplets (diameters of about 0.01 mm) produce rainbows of overlapping colors that appear nearly white. And remember that the models that predict a rainbow arc all assume spherical shapes for raindrops.
There is never a single size of water drops in rain but a mixture of many sizes and shapes. This results in a composite rainbow. Raindrops generally don't "grow" to radii larger than about 0.5 cm without breaking up because of collisions with other raindrops, although occasionally drops a few millimeters larger in radius have been observed when there are very few drops (and so few collisions between the drops) in a rainstorm. Bill Livingston suggests: "If you are brave enough, look up during a thunder shower at the falling drops. Some may hit your eye (or glasses), but this is not fatal. You will actually see that the drops are distorted and are oscillating."
It is the surface tension of water that moulds raindrops into spherical shapes, if no other forces are no acting on them. But as a drop falls in the air, the 'drag' causes a distortion in its shape, making it somewhat flattened. Deviations from a spherical shape have been measured by suspending drops in the air stream of a vertical wind tunnel (Pruppacher and Beard, 1970, and Pruppacher and Pitter, 1971). Small drops of radius less than 140 microns (0.014 cm) remain spherical, but as the size of the drop increases, the flattening becomes noticeable. For drops with a radius near 0.14 cm, the height/width ratio is 0.85. This flattening increases for larger drops.
Spherical drops produce symmetrical rainbows, but rainbows seen when the sun is near the horizon are often observed to be brighter at their sides, the vertical part, than at their top. Alistair Fraser has explained this phenomenon as resulting from the complex mixture of size and shape of the raindrops. The reflection and refraction of light from a flattened water droplet is not symmetrical. For a flattened drop, some of the rainbow ray is drops only as we view them horizontally; thus the rainbow produced by the large drops is is bright at its base. Near the top of the arc only small spherical drops produce the fainter rainbow.
What does a rainbow look like through dark glasses?
This is a "trick" question because the answer depends on whether or not your glasses are Polaroid. When light is reflected at certain angles it becomes polarized, and it has been found that the rainbow angle is close to that angle of reflection at which incident, unpolarized light (sunlight) is almost completely polarized. So if you look at a rainbow with Polaroid sunglasses and rotate the lenses around the line of sight, part of the rainbow will disappear!
What are Reflection Rainbows?
A reflection rainbow is defined as one produced by the reflection of the source of incident light (usually the sun). Photographs of them are perhaps the most impressive of rainbow photographs. The reflected rainbow may be considered as a combination of two rainbows produced by sunlight coming from two different directions - one directly from the sun, the other from the reflected image of the sun. The angles are quite different and therefore the elevation of the rainbow arcs will be correspondingly different.
What is a Lunar Rainbow?
A full moon is bright enough to have its light refracted by raindrops just as is the case for the sun. Moonlight is much fainter, of course, so the lunar rainbow is not nearly as bright as one produced by sunlight. Lunar rainbows have infrequently been observed since the time of Aristotle or before.


Taken from Hello Magazine, No. 250, October 2006.

THE MYSTERIOUS RAINBOW (1)

What is a rainbow?
Author Donald Ahrens in his text Meteorology Today describes a rainbow as "one of the most spectacular light shows observed on earth". Indeed the traditional rainbow is sunlight spread out into its spectrum of colors and diverted to the eye to the observer by water droplets. The "bow" part of the world describes the fact that the rainbow is a group of nearly circular arcs of color all having a commong center.
Where is the sun when you see a rainbow?
This is a good question to start thinking about the physical process that gives rise to a rainbow. Most people have never noticed that the sun is always behind you when you face a rainbow, and that the center of the circular arc of the rainbow is in the direction opposite of that of the sun. The rain, of course, is in the direction of the rainbow.
What makes the bow?
A question like this calls for a proper physical answer. We will discuss the formation of a rainbow by raindrops. It is a problem in optic that was first clearly discussed by Rene Descartes in 1637. An interesting historical account of this is to be found in Carl Boyer's book, The Rainbow From Myth to Mathematics. Descartes simplified the study of the rainbow by reducing it to a study of one water droplet and how it interacts with light falling upon it.
He writes: "Considering that this bow appears not only in the sky, but also in the air near us, whenever there are drops of water illuminated by the sun, as we can see in certain fountains, I readily decided that it arose only from the way in which the rays of light act on these drops and pass from them to our eyes. Further, knowing that the drops are round, as has been formerly proved, and seeing that whether they are larger or smaller, the appearance of the bow is not changed in any way, I had the idea of making a very large one, so that I could examine it better.
Descartes describes how he held up a large sphere in the sunlight and looked at the sunlight reflected in it. He wrote, "I found that if the sunlight came, for example, from the part of the sky which is marked AFZ and my eye was at the point E, when I put the globe in position BCD, its part D appeared all red, and much more brilliant than the rest of it; and that whether I approached it or receded from it, or put it on my right or my left, or even turned it round about my head, provided that the line DE always made an angle of about forty-two degrees with the line EM, which we are to think f as drawn from the center of the sun to the eye, the part D appeared always similarly red; but that as soon as I made this angle DEM even a little larger, the red color disappeared; and if I made the angle a little smaller, the color did not disappear all at once, but divided itself first as if into two parts, less brilliant, and in which I could see yellow, blue, and other colors ... When I examined more particularly, in the globe BCD, what it was which made the part D appear red, I found that it was the rays of the sun which, coming from A to B, bend on entering the water at the point B, and to pass to C, where they are reflected to D, and bending there again as they pass out of the water, proceed to the point."
This quotation illustrates how the shape of the rainbow is explained. To simplify the analysis, consider the path of a ray of monochromatic light through a single spherical raindrop. Imagine how light is refracted as it enters the raindrop, then how it is reflected by the internal, curved, mirror-like surface of the raindrop, and finally how it is refracted as it emerges from the drop. If we then apply the results for a single raindrop to a whole collection of raindrops in the sky, we can visualize the shape of the bow.
The traditional diagram to illustrate this is shown here as adapted from Humphreys, Physics of the Air. It represents the path of one light ray incident on a water droplet from the direction SA. As the light beam enters the surface of the drop at A, it is bent a little and strikes the inside wall of the drop at B, where it is reflected back to C. As it emerges from the drop it is refracted (bent) again into the direction CE. The angle D represents a measure of the deviation of the emergent ray from its original direction. Descartes calculated this deviation for a ray of red light to be about 180-42 or 138 degrees.
The ray drawn here is significant because it represents the ray that has the smallest angle of deviation of all the rays incident upon the raindrop. It is called the Descarte or rainbow ray and much of the sunlight as it is refracted and reflected through the raindrop is focused along this ray. Thus the reflected light is diffuse and weaker except near the direction of this rainbow ray. It is this concentration of rays near the minimum deviation that gives rise to the arc of rainbow.
The sun is so far away that we can, to a good approximation, assume that sunlight can be represented by a set of parallel rays all falling on the water globule and being refracted, reflected internally, and refracted again on emergence from the droplet in a manner like the figure. Descartes writes.
I took my pen and made an accurate calculation of the paths of the rays which fall on the different points of a globe of water to determine at which angles, after two refractions and one or two of reflections they will come to the eye, and I then found that after one reflection and two refractions there are many more rays which can be seen at an angle of from forty-one to forty-two degrees that at any smaller angle; and that there are none which can be seen at a larger angle" (the angle he is referring to is 180 - D).
A typical raindrop is spherical and therefore its effect on sunlight is symmetrical about an axis through the center of the drop and the source of light (in this case the sun). Because of this symmetry, the two-dimensional illustration of the figure serves us well and the complete picture can be visualized by rotating the two dimensional illustration about the axis of symmetry. The symmetry of the focusing effect of each drop is such that whenever we view a raindrop along the line of sight defined by the rainbow ray, we will see a bright spot of reflected/refracted sunlight. Referring to the figure, we see that the rainbow ray for red light makes an angle of 42 degrees between the direction of the incident sunlight and the line of sight. Therefore, as long as the raindrop is viewed along a line of sight that makes this angle with the direction of incident light, we will see a brightening.
We don't see a full circle because the earth gets in the way. The lower the sun is to the horizon, the more of the circle we see - right at sunset, we would see a full semicircle of the rainbow with the top of the arch 42 degrees above the horizon. The higher the sun is in the sky, the smaller is the arch of the rainbow above the horizon.

Taken from Hello Magazine, No. 250, October 2006.

EARTH DAY (APRIL 22)

Earth Day is a name used for two different observances, both held annually during spring in the northern hemisphere. These are intended to inspire awareness of and appreciation for the Earth’s environment. The United Nations celebrates Earth Day each year on the vernal (March) equinox; while a global observance in many countries is held each year on April 22.

The Equinoctial Earth Day

The equinoctial Earth Day is celebrated on the vernal equinox (around 21 March) to mark the precise moment of the beginning of spring in the Northern Hemisphere, and of autumn in the Southern Hemisphere. On the equinox, night and day are of equal length anywhere on Earth. Therefore, a perfectly vertical pole standing on the equator at noon during equinox will not cast a shadow. At the South Pole the sun sets and ends a six-month-long day; while at the North Pole the sun rises, ending six months of continuous darkness.

John McConnell first introduced the idea of a global holiday called "Earth Day" at a UNESCO Conference on the Environment in 1969, the same year that he designed the Earth flag. The first Earth Day proclamation was issued by San Francisco Mayor Joseph Alioto on March 21, 1970. UN Secretary-General U Thant supported McConnell's global initiative to celebrate this annual event, and on February 26, 1971, he signed a proclamation to that effect, saying:

May there only be peaceful and cheerful Earth Days to come for our beautiful Spaceship Earth as it continues to spin and circle in frigid space with its warm and fragile cargo of animate life.

Secretary General Waldheim observed Earth Day with similar ceremonies in 1972, and the United Nations Earth Day ceremony has continued each year since on the day of the March equinox. At the moment of the equinox, it is traditional to observe the day by ringing the Japanese Peace Bell, a bell donated by Japan to the United Nations. The United Nations also works with organizers of the April 22nd global event.

The current President of the Earth Society foundation is Thomas C. Dowd.

The April 22 Earth Day

Growing Eco-activism before Earth Day 1970

The 1960s had been a very dynamic period for ecology in the US, in both theory and practice. It was in the mid-1960s that Congress passed the sweeping Wilderness Act, and Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas asked, "Who speaks for the trees?" Pre-1960 grassroots activism against DDT in Nassau County, NY, had inspired Rachel Carson to write her shocking bestseller Silent Spring (1962).

Earth Day 1970

Responding to widespread environmental degradation, Gaylord Nelson, a United States Senator from Wisconsin, called for an environmental teach-in, or Earth Day, to be held on April 22, 1970. Over 20 million people participated that year, and Earth Day is now observed each year on April 22 by more than 500 million people and national governments in 175 countries. Senator Nelson, an environmental activist, took a leading role in organizing the celebration, hoping to demonstrate popular political support for an environmental agenda. He modeled it on the highly effective Vietnam War protests of the time. The concept of Earth Day was first proposed in a memo to JFK written by Fred Dutton.

According to Santa Barbara, California Community Environmental Council:

The story goes that Earth Day was conceived by Senator Gaylord Nelson after a trip he took to Santa Barbara right after that horrific oil spill off our coast in 1969. He was so outraged by what he saw that he went back to Washington and passed a bill designating April 22 as a national day to celebrate the earth.

Senator Nelson selected Denis Hayes, a Harvard University graduate student, as the National Coordinator of activities. Hayes said he wanted Earth Day to "bypass the traditional political process." The nationwide event included opposition to the Vietnam War on the agenda. Pete Seeger was a keynote speaker and performer at the event held in Washington DC. Paul Newman and Ali McGraw attended the event held in New York City.

The Aftermath of Earth Day 1970

Earth Day proved popular in the United States and around the world. The first Earth Day had participants and celebrants in two thousand colleges and universities, roughly ten thousand primary and secondary schools, and hundreds of communities across the United States. More importantly, it "brought 20 million Americans out into the spring sunshine for peaceful demonstrations in favor of environmental reform."

Senator Nelson stated that Earth Day "worked" because of the spontaneous response at the grassroots level. 20 million demonstrators and thousands of schools and local communities participated. He directly credited the first Earth Day with persuading U.S. politicians that environmental legislation had a substantial, lasting constituency. Many important laws were passed by the Congress in the wake of the 1970 Earth Day, including the Clean Air Act, laws to protect drinking water, wild lands and the ocean, and the creation of the United States Environmental Protection Agency.

Now observed in 175 countries, and coordinated by the nonprofit Earth Day Network, according to whom Earth Day is now "the largest secular holiday in the world, celebrated by more than a half billion people every year." Environmental groups have sought to make Earth Day into a day of action which changes human behavior and provokes policy changes.

The significance of the date

• April 22 is also the birthday of Julius Sterling Morton, the founder of Arbor Day, a national tree-planting holiday started in 1872. Arbor Day became a legal holiday in Nebraska in 1885, to be permanently observed on April 22. According to the National Arbor Day Foundation "the most common day for the state observances is the last Friday in April . . . but a number of state Arbor Days are at other times to coincide with the best tree planting weather." It has since been largely eclipsed by the more widely observed Earth Day, except in Nebraska, where it originated.
• April 22, 1970 was the 100th birthday of Vladmir Lenin. Time reported that some suspected the date was not a coincidence, but a clue that the event was "a Communist trick," and quoted a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution saying, "Subversive elements plan to make American children live in an environment that is good for them." J. Edgar Hoover, director of the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation, may have found the Lenin connection intriguing; it was alleged the FBI conducted surveilance at the 1970 demonstrations. The idea that the date was chosen to celebrate Lenin's centenary still persists in some quarters, although Lenin was never noted as an environmentalist.

Source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth_Day

RADEN AJENG KARTINI (1879-1904)

Raden Ajeng (Adjeng) Kartini or, more accurately, Raden Ayu (Ajoe) Kartini, (April 21, 1897-September 13, 1904), was a prominent Javanese and an Indonesian national heroine. Kartini is known as a pioneer in the area of women's rights for native Indonesians.

Kartini was born into an aristocratic Javanese family in a time when Java was still part of the Dutchcolony, the Dutch East Indies. Kartini's father, Raden Mas Sosroningrat, became Regency Chief of Jepara, and her mother was Raden Mas' first wife, but not the most important one. At this time, polygamy was a common practice among the nobility.

Kartini's father, RMAA Sosroningrat, was originally the district chief of Mayong. Her mother was MA Ngasirah, the daughter of Kyai Haji Madirono, a teacher of religion in Teluwakur, Jepara, and Nyai Haji Siti Aminah. At that time, colonial regulations specified that a Regency Chief must marry a member of the nobility and because MA Ngasirah was not of sufficiently high nobility, her father married a second time to Raden Ajeng Woerjan (Moerjam), a direct descendant of the Raja of Madura. After this second marriage, Kartini's father was elevated to Regency Chief of Jepara, replacing his second wife's own father, RAA Tjitrowikromo.

Kartini was the fifth child and eldest daughter in a family of eleven, including half siblings. She was born into a family with a strong intellectual tradition. Her grandfather, Pangeran Ario Tjondronegoro IV, became a Regency Chief at the age of 25 while Kartini's older brother Sosrokartono was an accomplished linguist.

Kartini's family allowed her to attend school until she was 12 years old. Here, among other subjects, she learnt to speak fluent Dutch, an unusual accomplishment for Javanese women at the time. After she turned 12 she was 'secluded' at home, a common practice among Javanese nobility, to prepare young girls for their marriage. During seclusion girls were was not allowed to leave their parents' house until they were married, at which point authority over them was transferred to their husbands. Kartini's father was more lenient than some during his daughter's seclusion, giving her such privileges as embroidery lessons and occasional appearances in public for special events.

During her seclusion, Kartini continued to educate herself on her own. Because Kartini could speak Dutch, she acquired several Dutch pen friends. One of them, a girl by the name of Rosa Abendanon, became her very close friend. Books, newspapers and European magazines fed Kartini's interest in European feminist thinking, and fostered the desire to improve the conditions of indigenous women, who at that time had a very low social status.

Kartini's omnivorous reading included the Semarang newspaper De locomotief, edited by Pieter Brooshooft, as well as leestrommel, a set of magazines circulated by bookshops to subscribers. She also read cultural and scientific magazines as well as the Dutch women's magazine De Hollandsche Lelie, to which she began to send contributions which were published. From her letters, it was clear that Kartini read everything with a great deal of attention and thoughtfulness. The books she had read before she was 20 included Max Havelaar and Love Letters by Multatuli. She also read De Stille Kracht (The Hidden Force) by Louis Couperus, the works of Frederik van Eeden, Augusta de Witt, the Romantic-Feminist author Mrs Goekoop de-Jong Van Beek and an anti-war novel by Berta von Suttner, Die Waffen Nieder! (Lay Down Your Arms!). All were in Dutch.

Kartini's concerns were not just in the area of the emancipation of women, but also the problems of her society. Kartini saw that the struggle for women to obtain their freedom, autonomy and legal equality was just part of a wider movement.

Kartini's parents arranged her marriage to Raden Adipati Joyodiningrat, the Regency Chief of Rembang, who already had three wives. She was married on the 12 November 1903. This was against Kartini's wishes, but she acquiesced to appease her ailing father. Her husband understood Kartini's aims and allowed her to establish a school for women in the east porch of the Rembang Regency Office complex. Kartini's only son was born on September 13, 1904. A few days later, Kartini died at the age of 25. She was buried in Bulu Village, Rembang.

Inspired by Kartini's example, the Van Deventer family established the Kartini Foundation which built schools for women, 'Kartini's Schools' in Semarang in 1912, followed by other women's schools in Surabaya, Yogyakarta, Malang, Madiun, Cirebon and other areas.

In 1964, President Sukarno declared Kartini's birth date, 21 April, as 'Kartini Day' - an Indonesian National Holiday. This decision has been criticised. It has been proposed that Kartini's Day should be celebrated in conjunction with Indonesian Mothers Day, on 22 December so that the choice of Kartini as a national heroine would not overshadow other women who, unlike Kartini, took up arms to oppose the colonisers.

In contrast, those who recognise the significance of Kartini argue that not only was she a feminist who elevated the status of women in Indonesia, she was also a nationalist figure, with new ideas who struggled on behalf of her people, including her in the national struggle for independence.

After Kartini died, Mr JH Abendanon, the Minister for Culture, Religion and Industry in the East Indies, collected and published the letters that Kartini had sent to her friends in Europe. The book was titled Door Duisternis tot Licht (Out of Dark Comes Light) and was published in 1911. It went through five editions, with some additional letters included in the final edition, and was translated into English by Agnes L. Symmers and published under the title Letters of a Javanese Princess.

The publication of Kartini's letters, written by a native Javanese woman, attracted great interest in the Netherlands and Kartini's ideas began to change the way the Dutch viewed native women in Java. Her ideas also provided inspiration for prominent figures in the fight for Independence.

There are some grounds for doubting the veracity of Kartini's letters. There are allegations that Abendanon made up Kartini's letters. These suspicions arose because Kartini's book was published at a time when the Dutch Colonial Government were implementing 'Ethical Policies' in the Dutch East Indies, and Abendanon was one of the most prominent supporters of this policy. The current whereabouts of the vast majority of Kartini's letters is unknown. According to the late Sulastin Sutrisno, the Dutch Government has been unable to track down JH Abendanon's descendants.

In her letters, Kartini wrote about her views of the social conditions prevailing at that time, particularly the condition of native Indonesian women. The majority of her letters protest the tendency of Javanese Culture to impose obstacles for the development of women. She wanted women to have the freedom to learn and study. Kartini wrote of her ideas and ambitions, including Zelf-ontwikkeling, Zelf-onderricht, Zelf-vertrouwen, Zelf-werkzaamheid and Solidariteit. These ideas were all based on Religieusiteit, Wijsheid en Schoonheid, that is, belief in God, wisdom, and beauty, along with Humanitarianisme (humanitarianism) and Nationalisme (nationalism).

Kartini's letters also expressed her hopes for support from overseas. In her correspondence with Estell "Stella" Zeehandelaar, Kartini expressed her desire to be like a European youth. She depicted the sufferings of Javanese women fettered by tradition, unable to study, secluded, and who must be prepared to participate in polygamous marriages with men they don't know.

Kartini also expressed criticisms about religion. She questioned why the Quran must be memorised and recited without an obligation to actually understand it. She also expressed the view that the world would be more peaceful if there was no religion to provide reasons for disagreements, discord and offence. She wrote "Religion must guard us against committing sins, but more often, sins are committed in the name of religion"

Kartini also raised questions with they way in which religion provided a justification for men to pursue polygamy. For Kartini, the suffering of Javanese women reached a pinnacle when the world was reduced to the walls of their houses and they were prepared for a polygamous marriage.

Kartini loved her father deeply although it is clear that her deep affection for him became yet another obstacle to the realisation of her ambitions. He was sufficiently progressive to allow his daughters schooling until the age of 12 but at that point the door to further schooling was firmly closed. In his letters, her father also expressed his affection for Kartini. Eventually, he gave permission for Kartini to study to become a teacher in Batavia (now Jakarta), although previously he had prevented her from continuing her studies in the Netherlands or entering medical school in Batavia.

Kartini's desire to continue her studies in Europe was also expressed in her letters. Several of her pen friends worked on her behalf to support Kartini in this endeavour. And when finally Kartini's ambition was thwarted, many of her friends expressed their disappointment. In the end her plans to study in the Netherlands were transmuted into plans to journey to Batavia on the advice of Mrs Abendanon that this would be best for Kartini and her younger sister, Rukmini.

Nevertheless, in 1903 at the age of 24, her plans to study to become a teacher in Batavia came to nothing. In a letter to Mrs Abendanon, Kartini wrote that the plan had been abandoned because she was going to be married... "In short, I no longer desire to take advantage of this opportunity, because I am to be married..". This was despite the fact that for its part, the Dutch Education Department had finally given permission for Kartini and Rukmini to study in Batavia.

As the wedding approached, Kartini's attitude towards Javanese traditional customs began to change. She became more tolerant. She began to feel that her marriage would bring good fortune for her ambition to develop a school for native women. In her letters, Kartini mentioned that not only did her esteemed husband support her desire to develop the woodcarving industry in Jepara and the school for native women, but she also mentioned that she was going to write a book. Sadly, this ambition was unrealised as a result of her premature death in 1904 at the age of 25.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kartini

An Educated Blonde

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, mommy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, mommy." She yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, b, c, d, e, f, g!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" and she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No, honey, it's because you're 25."